Just like dad

Yup on a roll!!

Going back to the thing I just wrote about..... people coming back into our lives.... the past weekend I found myself going back to my hometown. This is a bit of a big deal because I never do except to work once a year at a slo pitch tourney.

It used to be a weekly or bi weekly ritual to go visit my mom...and dad too i guess... but once she passed away I had no desire to go.

when mom passed it put a sort of closure on somethings, knew i would not(or thought) i would never run into the infamous "X" (weird feeling actually.) also not to have that home to go to anymore.

....sorry so off where i was going with this...how can you tell i am ADD!! lol

Throughout our school lives(I'm sure everyone is similar) we have so many different friends...some we never see or care to see again, some are drawn back into our lives when we seem to need it most.

Several months ago through a twist of events and a co-relationship between people we know an old GF contacted me to let me know some information that would help me out.

Anyways this started our friendship again. It is so amazing to me how you can have those friends who you can literally be apart from for years and just take right back up again.To be welcomed into their homes and it feels like home.

So much that you take a little piece of it with you.

This little piece is called Hazel.

A little ball of black fur with razor sharp claws that V has been introduced to a thousand times. Why she can't leave the poor thing alone I just don't get!

I have to laugh at myself because....unlike my mom who sort of liked animals ,tolerated them for us....my dad was the animal fanatic....we never had a house without a dog and at least one cat.

The LAST thing I wanted was another dam cat...but when you have two sets of eyes(c's and kitties) I am a softy, a sucker and we got another cat.

I'm weak at heart....JUST like my dad :)

Almost found

wow...I have fallen so behind on the blog posts....
I can not believe the summer has flown by so quickly.
I was trying to figure out where to write about things...this blog or my neg only blog...not that I plan on venting or complaining...just coming out a little I guess.
I have been lost the past two months...not physically of course, but mentally, emotionally.
Sometimes it is hard to find a balance in my life....things happen that thow me into oblivion... into kaos.....and its hard to see the light for a bit.
I am not sure I have discovered the answers to things yet....but one thing that always seems to happen to me when I am lost ... a certain friend comes back into my life, a very spiritual friend and opens my eyes up more to god each time encouraging me to open my heart again.
I am embarrassed to say I have pushed god out of my life almost completely..several reasons....hurt, poor self worth, an atheist husband and the loss of my mom. Not that I ever blame God for wanting her back with him, but the situation just made me push away. I always felt like a hypocrite being a Christan. I am so far from perfect, I know I have done many wrong things and don't feel right asking for forgiveness if I know I may screw up again.
Today that friend sent me an e-mail about a womens bible study group.....haven't yet decided on attending yet...yet I can't help but think when we need answers, hope,love and support, things are sent our way, need to listen carefully sometimes ...but its there.

I have been working for months on my physical self as well.... from my last post I am down a total of 47 lbs my goal...I feel pretty good as long as I don't look at pictures of my self.....very damaging to self esteem...the wrong angle...and wham I appear as a whale in my eyes....the effects of age and childbirth scream at me...eeesh
Not sure if I am done now...with loosing...really need to hit the gym and see what I can fix..... so wish I had extra $$ just go get it fixed.... but that is not an option right now. Funny what we see and what others seem to see. Sometimes I wonder if its good or bad.....sometimes change brings bad attention...attention I am not seeking. Funny how some of that bad attention makes you appreciate a little more of what we do have, eventhough not perfect better then what I saw on the weekend! lol

well short catch up....so much more to come....so tired right now and need to get these tired eyes to bed :)

Happy Birthday My sweet girl

13 years ago today one of the most wonderful things happened to me....my first daughter was born 5 weeks early. Coming into the world at 5 lb 5 oz and a tiny 19 inches.

She has always been a blessing, a good baby a great kid and now turning into a beautiful teenager.

Man did I say teenager??!!

She is driven to do well in school and I am so proud and know one day she will one day reach her goals.

She is a true gift from god.

Happy birthday sweetie

(will post more pics once I scan some)

catch up

wow time goes by so fast...and I am so behind on my blog again.

I have to confess ..I am a bad mommy :)
My 4 year old has never, (well car trips and the odd pass out) gone to sleep without mommy laying with her or cuddling her. I have watched many of nanny 911 shows and the nanny to know this is not good parent behavior.
Being my last baby I know I held on tight to her babyhood but finally since her conception mommy is ready to let let grow up.

We started last night at 7:20. Daddy brushed teeth and read stories then to her room she went. I'm pretty sure she cried almost the whole time. Muttering and talking. The words"I am leaving and never, never ,never coming back " uttered from her lips. Man I need to monitor her t.v more...lmao

She went pee 6 times, said she needed water 4 and came out 5 times...but each time (except the pee requests, took her) I calmly walked her back to her room.

3 hours later....she fell asleep on her own!! woooooopeeeeeeeee....did I say wooopeeeee???!!!!

Tonight again, stories and she is in her room, no crying so far, but she is playing which I prob. shouldn't allow.....but she's in her room!

Well see how long it takes to get this habit planted.
--------------------
WEIGHT UPDATE

It has been almost two months and I am still in the process of shrinking my self....19 lbs down.....32 in total.....from a 14 to a 9
I feel better fitting all my pre prego clothing(even though I want to be smaller then that)
Very very flabby...horrified at the aging skin attached to my soggy bod...but working on it. What I can fix by exercising I will the rest I will try other means. Funny how quick our body can change but how slow it is to see ourselves different. Still a work in progress but I am getting there :)

bye bye bootie!

I have been trying really hard to loose so weight finally....I have been afraid to share as always in the back of me head..I am thinking what if I fail?
Day 4, I am proud to say I have not cheated...not one little bit. Even sitting at second cup with friends yesterday, the chocolate cake infront of my friend didn't really temp me. I sat and sipped my tea.
5 lbs down!!!!!!! doesn't seem like much when I look at my self standing nakie in the mirror before my shower...but it's 5 lbs less then last week so 20 in total....2o to go.....baby steps.
Just need to work out more now.

My morning started off weird. I started to eat my breakfast, almost done...and my stomach began to feel funny, hurt...then bang...I was running to the bathroom and evrything came up. I feel better now, off but better...but I'm afraid to eat...and I am left with broken blood vessels all around my eyes...talk about power puking!

Well off to play groovy girls with v.j...man she need a friend...lol

Virginia's B-day!

March 12th 2004 ..I fell in love for the first time ....AGAIN

At 6 lb 6 oz my little one came in to the world.

The birth of my 4th child came at such a good time in my life.

A unique and strong willed girl from day one, she has affectionately been called the "demon child"... guess it willl come in handly one day :)

Her big brother giving her first bath

supper out with the family mmmm dessert!!

It's my birthday and I'll....

yesterday actually was my b-day. For turning 28...o.k 38 it wasn't that bad.
Phones calls and messages ,e-mails from well wishers picked up my day. Nice to know you are special enough for someone to do that!
That night we went for supper at Olive Garden, if you could ignore the whining of the 15 year old who complained...oh sorry commented on the wait, the smell, the people the food prices it was great...lol
Love their food...son did too...first time in a year he walked out with a doggy bag! Where do boys put all that food?!
Teenagers can be quite the interesting humans, one min he makes me want to pull my hair out the next laughing my guts out with his sense of humor.
Going out to the van hubby says"help your mom"(because my hands were full of take out containers) the smart ass then grabs my arm and escorts me to the van like a senior citizen, telling me over and over to watch my step....lmao.
The only thing missing was a big fat enormous chocolate cake...whaaaa....where's mommy when I need her :)

( I got my cake thanks to my good friend Kristen!!! will return the love on her b-day!!!)

Voodoo curse

or a klutz?
lol O.k I have to have a sense of humour here!
2 days before Christmas of 2006 I am getting out of my brothers truck , it's very high up, My foot hits some black ice and boom down on my butt! I crack my tailbone. For anyone who has had this injury knows my pain, for those who have been blessed to never had this happen let me fill you in.... I can't stand, sit, lay, cough, sneeze or breathe without pain....do you know how hard it is to find one of those blow up rings on x-mas eve?
It has been 14 months and still not healed yet.
Then October....I was working on the riverboat and at La senza. During a shift on the boat some ying yang didn't clean water up off the floor...guess who found it, yup down on my hip. Now I wasn't really bad It hurt but still went to the other job where I was working putting stock away.I some how jarred the injury when I lifted a crate and the full extent of the injury kicked in. I couldn't walk for three days and back pain left me crippled for 3 months.
Now this is humorous, the catering company had a staff party. It so happened to be a week after my injury and I was able to walk with like a penguin and with the help of muscle relaxers and pain meds. Like a complete dip I started to drink white wine....did you know you shouldn't mix those three things together?? duhhhh 2 hours after the start of the party I became very intimate with my friends toilet...soooo embarrassing! Oh did I mention I will never drink white wine again!~
O.k this gets better...about 6 weeks ago I was getting up from the chair and at the same time my son was bent over petting the dog he stood and turned...and smack our heads collided, he was fine, but mom had a concussion!...laughing yet?6 weeks of nausea and dizziness I head back to the doctor and a CT scan is booked.
Today was my scan, I debate cancelling it as i have been feeling much better. Then an hour before going I go to grab the vacuum and the handle connection pulls away from the main part and smacks me hard right in the nose...F@ck!!!!!! thank god it didn't break it....so off to the CT I go, maybe I do have brain damage, or someone has a voodoo doll of me!bubble wrap time I think! :)

Guess my bum ring makes a pretty good hat!

Winter fun

Friday brought such a wonderful break to the cold winter we have been having.

V.J was so excited to get dressed and head out into all the fresh untouched snow in our back yard. A gentel warning before heading out"stay away from yellow snow!", yes we have a dog and yes when it was -57 with the windchill, it was lucky I got him to pee outside.

I couldn't wait to get the camera out and take pictures of joy on her face. Oh to be a kid again!

I can't believe how incredible the sunshine felt on me! Mmmmmmmm sunshine, nice to see my friend again! V.J went out twice that day and begged for a third!

First time out, happy, happy!

Big sis get's in the fun! Throwing snow at mom.....(excuse the crap in the background)

Going out with big bro....please keep in mind when you see the snowman..sorry snow WOMAN, he's 15...lol

The finished product! The carrots didn't last long! Between Hercules stealing the nipples and V.J the face...poor snowman :(Doncha just love the snow!!!!

Did I mention I hate my cat!

As a child I grew to love all animals. Thank god my Dad grew up on a farm and shared my love. We had goats(which I had to milk before school(yuck) surprised I still like feta cheese....chickens, bunnies, dogs, cats, fish and birds...not always at the same time.
I really wanted my children to experience the love and the responsiblility of owing pets. We have a dog, black cat and my 28 year old cockatiel and then there is BLU my grey cat ......gerrrr.
Don't get me wrong he is a beautiful, calm well tempered friendly cat, but the stupid thing won't use a sratch post!
He persists on destroying every corner of my $3000 set of new furnature. Thank god I am good with a needle and thread, I have been able to re-mend some of his damage...and then I have resorted to using a clear pet tape on the corners to discourage him.
Dam cat!

why we love him

Why We dont!!

Keep on Organizing

Decrapitizing!
Yes I am still on a mission....Kitchen 1/2 done...still need to remove Ikea shelving.

V.J's room getting there. I filled 9 bins of clothing....sick really she hasn't worn 75% of it :(

Then to hit the spare room wher I put all the spring and summer clothing. I want to be ready for my next sale a week before, not still getting ready the hour before I go.....did I mention I am a BIG procratinator?

Then the next big project...the basement...aughhhhhh I walk downstairs look at the mess and walk back up...I don't even know where to begin.

Lots of snow here still and sooo cold. It's only -23 now, yes ONLy it was - 57 with windchill Monday. I am getting cabin feaver, need out ,yet the bear in me say's"HIBERNATE". I love, love love snow......hate, hate, hate extream cold beeerrrrrr.

well need to get moving, take T to the doctor. He came home with a bad ear pain. My kids have never had ear problems before except once this year fot V and now T...virus. But better safe then sorry so guess I will get my outting yet :)

Here are some pictures on moday...frozen windows inside and snow high enough to make if difficult to let the dog out the back door for his morning pee.

Keep warm!!

Doncha just love Fabric & pattern loops

Three years ago I discovered e-bay, then yahool loops for selling and buying gymboree and naartjie. When I started to sew and sell on e-bay I discovered ebay groups......now after all this time I found a fabulous yahoo group that you can order fabric at wholesale and farbenmix patterns...well if you know me(or don't yet) I am in heaven!!!!!
I always have had a weekness for fabrics, sure this was passed down by my mom :)
I have bolts and shelves full, I adore flannels...and can't wait to see the new flannels by Michael miller fun fun :)

If you love fabrics check out MichaelMillerFabricBuys@yahoogroups.com

Here is the link for Sandi Henderson's site an amazing fabric designer and seamstress....get ready to drool! http://www.portabellopixie.typepad.com/

Here are a few of her goodies in her new flannel collection

Doncha just love computer and the web!

So indecisive!

I have to admit this is one of my biggest faults!!!(among many)

Between carpet, laminate, what class to take, about my website.....so many.....the auctual only decision I don't have a problem with is what Gymboree or Naartjie clothing to buy. I get away from this by just getting it all and always over buying spending money I should be using else where...but this is a different post...lol
This blog was created to showcase a little of my creativity and share other sites I love...not a venting site or a posting my pics site...so I think I need to have two blogs with a link to both.
I think..... :)

Not aiming for perfect...just better

Nothing to do with designing!

Funny how things happen in life. I was reading about an incredible mom who put her kids pokemon cards up for sale to teach them a lesson...her blog is amazing and so is her outlook on life!! She is my hero.
I don't imagine I will ever have more then 2 people reading about me and my life but I promise for the odd neg thing that may come out of my mind I will learn how to be positive again.
I was lookiing back at photos of my kids when they were younger we did more with them they looked happier we looked happier.
It will be my goal in life to make sure my kids grow up with positive memories not the neg bitching mom from hell.
Thanks Dawn(mom of 6) for bringing me back to life.
I am not aiming for perfect here....just better!

Finally

I got the website design as I would like it...now to get it on line...hopefully with the help of my intelligent friend K.M...hint hint!!! :)

new banner!!

I finally made my new banner for my online store...now to fix the website...aughhhhh

Amazing what we will do.......

When we want to learn..lol

I absolutly love european designs and designers. I went hunting for them and ran accross some great blogs....a slight challenge....they were in GERMAN. Yes I know I am german but can't speak or read it to save my life.....INTERNET to the rescue! I found a translator...so when I wish to comment or read some great blogs, now I can :)

Farbenmix

Sooooo excited I received my first farbenmix patterns today...can't wait to sew!!!

Digital world

So hard to believe I once...Never owned a computer!
I don't know how I ever did it...business contacts, friends, loops, e-mail, shopping, shopping...oh did I say that twice?! :) Access to European designs(my fav) and south African creations!

Digital scrapbooking and digital camera's wohooo!!!

I plan to add favorite sites as I go.

I also plan to design a new logo for my new blog....tomorrow...3 am already and I have to get some sleep soon.

more tomorrow.....goodnight.