Monday, August 25, 2008

Just like dad

Yup on a roll!!
Going back to the thing I just wrote about..... people coming back into our lives.... the past weekend I found myself going back to my hometown. This is a bit of a big deal because I never do except to work once a year at a slo pitch tourney.
It used to be a weekly or bi weekly ritual to go visit my mom...and dad too i guess... but once she passed away I had no desire to go.
when mom passed it put a sort of closure on somethings, knew i would not(or thought) i would never run into the infamous "X" (weird feeling actually.) also not to have that home to go to anymore.

....sorry so off where i was going with can you tell i am ADD!! lol

Throughout our school lives(I'm sure everyone is similar) we have so many different friends...some we never see or care to see again, some are drawn back into our lives when we seem to need it most.

Several months ago through a twist of events and a co-relationship between people we know an old GF contacted me to let me know some information that would help me out.
Anyways this started our friendship again. It is so amazing to me how you can have those friends who you can literally be apart from for years and just take right back up again.To be welcomed into their homes and it feels like home.
So much that you take a little piece of it with you.
This little piece is called Hazel.
A little ball of black fur with razor sharp claws that V has been introduced to a thousand times. Why she can't leave the poor thing alone I just don't get!
I have to laugh at myself because....unlike my mom who sort of liked animals ,tolerated them for dad was the animal fanatic....we never had a house without a dog and at least one cat.
The LAST thing I wanted was another dam cat...but when you have two sets of eyes(c's and kitties) I am a softy, a sucker and we got another cat.
I'm weak at heart....JUST like my dad :)

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Almost found

wow...I have fallen so behind on the blog posts....
I can not believe the summer has flown by so quickly.
I was trying to figure out where to write about things...this blog or my neg only blog...not that I plan on venting or complaining...just coming out a little I guess.
I have been lost the past two months...not physically of course, but mentally, emotionally.
Sometimes it is hard to find a balance in my life....things happen that thow me into oblivion... into kaos.....and its hard to see the light for a bit.
I am not sure I have discovered the answers to things yet....but one thing that always seems to happen to me when I am lost ... a certain friend comes back into my life, a very spiritual friend and opens my eyes up more to god each time encouraging me to open my heart again.
I am embarrassed to say I have pushed god out of my life almost completely..several reasons....hurt, poor self worth, an atheist husband and the loss of my mom. Not that I ever blame God for wanting her back with him, but the situation just made me push away. I always felt like a hypocrite being a Christan. I am so far from perfect, I know I have done many wrong things and don't feel right asking for forgiveness if I know I may screw up again.
Today that friend sent me an e-mail about a womens bible study group.....haven't yet decided on attending yet...yet I can't help but think when we need answers, hope,love and support, things are sent our way, need to listen carefully sometimes ...but its there.

I have been working for months on my physical self as well.... from my last post I am down a total of 47 lbs my goal...I feel pretty good as long as I don't look at pictures of my self.....very damaging to self esteem...the wrong angle...and wham I appear as a whale in my eyes....the effects of age and childbirth scream at me...eeesh
Not sure if I am done now...with loosing...really need to hit the gym and see what I can fix..... so wish I had extra $$ just go get it fixed.... but that is not an option right now. Funny what we see and what others seem to see. Sometimes I wonder if its good or bad.....sometimes change brings bad attention...attention I am not seeking. Funny how some of that bad attention makes you appreciate a little more of what we do have, eventhough not perfect better then what I saw on the weekend! lol

well short catch much more to tired right now and need to get these tired eyes to bed :)

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Happy Birthday My sweet girl

13 years ago today one of the most wonderful things happened to first daughter was born 5 weeks early. Coming into the world at 5 lb 5 oz and a tiny 19 inches.

She has always been a blessing, a good baby a great kid and now turning into a beautiful teenager.
Man did I say teenager??!!
She is driven to do well in school and I am so proud and know one day she will one day reach her goals.
She is a true gift from god.
Happy birthday sweetie
(will post more pics once I scan some)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

catch up

wow time goes by so fast...and I am so behind on my blog again.

I have to confess ..I am a bad mommy :)
My 4 year old has never, (well car trips and the odd pass out) gone to sleep without mommy laying with her or cuddling her. I have watched many of nanny 911 shows and the nanny to know this is not good parent behavior.
Being my last baby I know I held on tight to her babyhood but finally since her conception mommy is ready to let let grow up.

We started last night at 7:20. Daddy brushed teeth and read stories then to her room she went. I'm pretty sure she cried almost the whole time. Muttering and talking. The words"I am leaving and never, never ,never coming back " uttered from her lips. Man I need to monitor her t.v more...lmao

She went pee 6 times, said she needed water 4 and came out 5 times...but each time (except the pee requests, took her) I calmly walked her back to her room.

3 hours later....she fell asleep on her own!! woooooopeeeeeeeee....did I say wooopeeeee???!!!!

Tonight again, stories and she is in her room, no crying so far, but she is playing which I prob. shouldn't allow.....but she's in her room!

Well see how long it takes to get this habit planted.

It has been almost two months and I am still in the process of shrinking my self....19 lbs down.....32 in total.....from a 14 to a 9
I feel better fitting all my pre prego clothing(even though I want to be smaller then that)
Very very flabby...horrified at the aging skin attached to my soggy bod...but working on it. What I can fix by exercising I will the rest I will try other means. Funny how quick our body can change but how slow it is to see ourselves different. Still a work in progress but I am getting there :)

Friday, March 28, 2008

bye bye bootie!

I have been trying really hard to loose so weight finally....I have been afraid to share as always in the back of me head..I am thinking what if I fail?
Day 4, I am proud to say I have not cheated...not one little bit. Even sitting at second cup with friends yesterday, the chocolate cake infront of my friend didn't really temp me. I sat and sipped my tea.
5 lbs down!!!!!!! doesn't seem like much when I look at my self standing nakie in the mirror before my shower...but it's 5 lbs less then last week so 20 in total....2o to steps.
Just need to work out more now.

My morning started off weird. I started to eat my breakfast, almost done...and my stomach began to feel funny, hurt...then bang...I was running to the bathroom and evrything came up. I feel better now, off but better...but I'm afraid to eat...and I am left with broken blood vessels all around my about power puking!

Well off to play groovy girls with she need a

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Virginia's B-day!

March 12th 2004 ..I fell in love for the first time ....AGAIN

At 6 lb 6 oz my little one came in to the world.

The birth of my 4th child came at such a good time in my life.

A unique and strong willed girl from day one, she has affectionately been called the "demon child"... guess it willl come in handly one day :)

Her big brother giving her first bath

supper out with the family mmmm dessert!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

It's my birthday and I'll....

yesterday actually was my b-day. For turning 28...o.k 38 it wasn't that bad.
Phones calls and messages ,e-mails from well wishers picked up my day. Nice to know you are special enough for someone to do that!
That night we went for supper at Olive Garden, if you could ignore the whining of the 15 year old who complained...oh sorry commented on the wait, the smell, the people the food prices it was
Love their food...son did too...first time in a year he walked out with a doggy bag! Where do boys put all that food?!
Teenagers can be quite the interesting humans, one min he makes me want to pull my hair out the next laughing my guts out with his sense of humor.
Going out to the van hubby says"help your mom"(because my hands were full of take out containers) the smart ass then grabs my arm and escorts me to the van like a senior citizen, telling me over and over to watch my step....lmao.
The only thing missing was a big fat enormous chocolate cake...whaaaa....where's mommy when I need her :)
( I got my cake thanks to my good friend Kristen!!! will return the love on her b-day!!!)